To Live Forever
by cookiemunsta
Summary: Niall and Marina, a pair with an irrevocable love for the other. When the time comes for Niall to leave with the rest of the lads from One Direction, he leaves a huge part of his heart behind, a part that he may never regain.


_Hola! Just some song recs for this fic, and they are: Red - Pieces, Iron and Wine - Flightless Bird American Mouth and Katy Perry - Part of Me_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Long Live 

"Let me out!"

"No! Not ever! Not until you tell me you love me!"

"But I already have! How many times do I have to say it! I'm going to be late!"

"Niall James Horan, I do not care at all that you're going to be late to leave for your _tour_ with _One Direction_, I'm not letting you out!"

"You know how much I hate being stuck in small spaces Marina, let me out _please!" _He slammed at the cupboard doors, panting hard, his effort draining from his body, "Marina please, I beg you"

"You _what_ me?" He could hear her muffled giggles as he slumped into the corner of the cupboard, "Just say it Niall and you're free."

Letting out a small growl, he answered, "I love you."

"Say it like you mean it!"

This girl was going to be the death of him, "Let me out and I'll prove how much I mean it…"

Everything fell quiet as he waited, her mute contemplation racking his nerves. After what felt like a forever of silence, she spoke, "Really now?"

He couldn't help but chuckle, "Yes really, now will you let me out?"

Closing one eye to peak through the split between the doors, Niall watched as she rose from the ground and sauntered over to the cupboard doors. He himself got up to the best of his efforts, trying to stand tall in the small cupboard. Several coat hangers poked at his skull while he waited.

The morning sun poured into the small space he was confined in as the doors swung open. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to recover from the partial blinding, "Okay. I can't see… Where are you?"

Silence fell over the room once more. With his eyes still closed, Niall put his arms out before him, waving them around like a blind man without his stick, "A little help here would be nice…"

As he waded around the room trying to feel for something to take hold of, a set of petite arms snaked around his torso, pulling him into their body. He spun around in the hold and mimicked their actions, "I found you."

"You sure did, didn't you?" Marina mused sarcastically. She nuzzled into the crook of his neck as he held her tight, taking deep breaths in, drowning himself in the scent of her hair.

"Of course I did" He smiled into her hair as she laughed. This was going to be his last day to appreciate her fully, before taking off on the road, for what he was told about ten months, with the lads to get themselves out there. Even though they hadn't won the X-factor competition, they still managed to get themselves a record deal.

"Well now that the last module of your training as a budding music sensation has been completed, I believe you're all set."

"Yeah right, you trying to reverse my suffering as a claustrophobic by trapping me in the cupboard, attacking me with pillows and jumping on me to get me prepared for a mobbing and coming up with insults for me and the rest of the boys has totally prepared me for reality…"

"Of course it has!" She pushed herself out of his hold to slap him lightly, "Now, how were you going to prove this love you have for me?"

Niall took Marina by the waist, pulling her back to him.

"Well," he began peppering kisses down her neck, speaking between each, "There are two options…" He changed the angle of his kisses, trailing back up the other side of her neck.

"And what," Her eyes fell closed as she allowed him to take her over, "are… they?"

His hands drifted around her waist, "We can sit down and I can try to explain, _with words_, how much I love you. Or," He began thumbing at the elastic of her underwear, "I can _show_ you…"

Marina gave a quiet hum in approval as Niall brought his head back to look right at her. He dipped down to peck her lightly, enjoying the state of bliss she seemed to be in as she stood there with closed eyes. They both began to take baby steps toward the bed behind them, tugging each other out of their clothes while trying to maintain the connection between their lips.

Breaking the link between them for a quick moment, Marina spoke, "What happened to 'you'll be late'?"

Niall gave a deep, hearty snigger, "Love, I'd give you any excuse to get out of that cupboard."

Each of them tossing trousers to the side, Marina shoved him backwards before pouncing on his lean body, "You little liar…" she purred seductively.

He laughed as they enveloped one another in an array of beating hearts and the physical yearn for the other to be sated.

* * *

Hours passed before they both woke, Niall spooning Marina.

"What do you see?" Her odd question that came out of the blue confused him completely. She waited a little longer before repeating herself, "Niall, tell me the first thing you see when you open your eyes."

He was still baffled but answered anyway, "I see the cupboard… Why are you asking this?"

"That will be how you remember me."

"What?" What was she going on about?

"Whenever you see a cupboard, you think of me and just imagine I'll come and save you from the _terrifying _small space…" she said with a smile in her voice. She turned in his arms to face him, a cheeky grin splayed across her face.

"No, I will remember you by your brown eyes," He brushed his thumbs over her eyebrows and over the oddly prominent bags beneath her eyes, where on Earth had they come from? Not enough sleep, that was all, nothing to fret over. Then pushed his fingers through her hair, "Your brown hair that always smells like the sweetest apples," She laughed as he brought both his hands down to cup her face, sweeping his fingers back and forth over her lips, "Your irresistible lips and perfect little laugh."

"You are too kind," she angled her head and pushed forward to plant a passionate kiss firmly on his lips, "My lucky charm…"

* * *

A month after their last day together and the withdrawal was already getting to the both of them. They had agreed to send each other letters as a unique way of keeping in contact. The letters contained their obvious feelings for each other, how his touring was going and how the rest of the lads were as well as what she got up to on a daily basis. It would take a minimum of two weeks for the letters to reach them but once he started moving further away, the longer it took.

But there were only so many letters that they could send before they had to stop. Well for her that was. To Marina, the long waiting periods between the letters allowed her to prepare her responses and that he couldn't just call if she was in the middle of something, like a doctor's appointment. The continual in and out of hospitals, as well as never ending amounts medication that would 'help', but it never did. Her life had just turned into her opinion of perfect and now here were the ones who wanted to bring her down. No one ever seemed to like it when she was happy.

She knew he noticed the bags beneath her eyes and thank God that he had simply brushed it off. But he didn't know that she saw the spark of concern in his bay blue eyes.

Oh God she was going to miss them.

* * *

Everything was ridiculously surreal. He still couldn't believe that any of this was actually happening. Every night, after the incredible performances, hilarious signings and days of filming, Niall would just lie there and try to let it all sink in. The end of this little tour was almost over, eight months in and he almost didn't want it to stop.

Just thinking of home got him smiling like a fool, all because of her. And even Liam could see it. If it weren't for Liam he may have never have met Marina, she was his best friend to start with but then one little introduction went a hell of a long way and it was one of the best moments of his life. He turned to scan the room, stopping as he laid his eyes upon the cupboard. It got him laughing, just remembering what she had said.

Her last few letters just weren't… _her. _They seemed dull and lacking the energy she seemed to pour into them like always. And then they just stopped. It had been two months since he stopped receiving letters. It wasn't like her to just stop; she would've warned him at least. But there wasn't anything for him to worry about right? She was just giving him space, space he didn't particularly want, but that _was_ a little like her. Always too generous for her own good.

And then on one particular night, it all happened.

The thud of the door to their room echoed into the bathroom as Niall finished his shower.

"Liam!" He called out suspiciously. He was positive he was alone in the room at first, "Liam?"

"Uh," He could hear him clear his throat, "Yeah mate… I'm here."

He sounded sick but he was positive he looked as healthy as a horse earlier in the day, "Oh good, I thought I was hearing things! Ha." Liam was a little late to get back, which really wasn't like him at all. Why did everyone not seem themselves? "Liam, where were you this evening? I thought you would've been back before me…"

No reply. Niall slipped into his track pants and shirt, hurrying out of the bathroom to get to Liam, "Are you okay? Where were you—?"

Liam whipped his head up from his hands, nonchalantly staring back at Niall. His eyes were red rimmed and glassy. Had he been crying? The look in his eyes was scaring him, he seemed disconnected from reality.

"Liam, what—?" He sat down beside Liam who was holding an envelope, "What's going on? Is everything alright?"

The tears began streaming down his face as he shook his head, "I- I can't-"

He broke himself off as he handed the envelope to Niall. He was scared to read what was in the letter. Should he? If it had this effect on Liam then it would probably be even worse for him.

Niall looked back to Liam who had his mouth parted, about to speak, "I don't think…. I would be able to tell you myself." Liam wiped at the tears that stained his cheeks, "I'll be right here though… right here…"

His heart was hammering away as he flipped the letter open.

* * *

_Niall,_

_Where to begin? You're probably reading this and wondering why I haven't started my letters like usual and thinking where my reply to your last letter is and where this one will actually go and why this has taken so long to get to you. Well like always you manage to get what you want from me so here it is._

_I'm absolutely over the moon for you and I know how much all of this means to you. It even still amazes me that this isn't one of your dreams that you've told me about anymore and that it is in fact reality. This is completely and ridiculously incredible. You might not ever understand how proud I am of you; you're finally living the dream, your dream._

_The only thing that sucks is the long periods of time that you're away from me. It hurts not having you around me like before. And in the time that you've been away, fate decided to step in a little too early. The last day you and I spent together seven months ago was in fact my last day of normality. Yes, my last._

_The past seven months have been the worst of my entire life, not only because you haven't been around but I haven't been able to sleep. But what's so bad about that? I'm pretty sure if you look up Fatal Familial Insomnia, you'll see how._

_Niall, I love you. I always have and always will, even if I won't be around any longer. Deny it as much as you like but this is inescapable._

_I've done what I can to mould you into the best type of man you could ever possibly be, breaking down your fears, all with the intention of making you mine. And now I unfortunately won't be able to reap my reward, but there will fortunately be an extremely lucky girl who will get to experience my handiwork._

_Now as I sit here, I think about you, think about how my life was simply better because you were in it. I won't be around as you now read this, my life will come to an unfortunate end, but I have lived a life I know I will never, ever regret._

_And this is okay, it really is, because in my time on this Earth, I've had the blessed opportunity to live it with you and I know I'll be alright because I take in my last breath eternally loving you._

_I enjoyed your warmth, your perfect smile, your laugh, oh God your laugh, your bright blue eyes that I have always and will forever lose myself in and your arms, the ones that held me together in times when I was falling apart. And by God I will miss your big, fat heart. That one organ in your chest filled with genuine and everlasting love and kindness._

_Please don't be sad that I am gone, don't let it bring your amazing spirit down._

_You are a brilliant person. Never, ever, ever forget that. You are beautiful and you know why? Because I said so._

_Niall I love you with everything I have and what's left of me. I am forever, infinitely and eternally yours._

_In another life,_

_Marina _

_p.s. Promise me that you won't shed too many tears over me, because it was your smile that I fell in love with. _

* * *

He didn't even notice the burning tears pooling beneath his eyes. Didn't notice that he was crushing the paper in his grasp or how hard he was shaking. Didn't notice the growl that erupted from the depths of his throat or how ragged his breathing became. But he did notice the part of his heart that caved in on itself and burnt. The part that now left a gaping hole in his chest. The part that he knew would never, ever be the same.

* * *

"Ninety nine… one hundred! I'm coming to get you…"

This was going to be easy, it always was. Being the lenient and fun-loving father that he was, he always let Elijah win. But not this time. This was the round where he was supposed to ruin the 'clean streak' his son had against him.

He followed the trail of little giveaways that lead to his room. The atmosphere changed from the cheeky and innocent one that always invaded the room to one that seemed a little off. Almost like something was wrong. He neared the cupboard quietly before throwing the doors open.

"Gotcha! You can—"

"Papa, who is ma-maree-nah?"

Oh no. The red box that was filled with little tokens and mementos of his first love were scattered all over the cupboard floor. Pictures were strewn over his sons lap, one particular picture of her in one little hand and _the_ letter in the other. Niall let out a sigh in an attempt to cover the rising ball in his throat, "She, Elijah, is one of the most sublime… most beautiful and incredible people I have ever met…"

"But what about mama? Isn't she sa-sab-sablym?"

Niall gave a short laugh at his son's attempt, drawing in a deep breath through his nose, "Yes she is but this one was different…"

Ugh, he didn't want to cry in front of his son and so he sent him down to go and eat his lunch while he packed the mess he made away. Once the mess was tended to and his son was out of the room, he pushed the piles of clothes that were situated at the bottom of the cupboard aside and seated himself in the corner. Closing one door after the other, he held the little red box to his heart, hugging it with everything that he had.

As he squeezed his eyes shut, several tears cascaded down his cheeks and each breath turned into heavy sobs. Niall let himself go, just let everything pour, unrelenting. Eventually his sobs turned into hiccoughs and sniffles.

"Y-You said you'd s-save me right?" He brought his knees to his chest, the little red box wedged between, "All I h-had to do was look at t-the cupboard and imagine you coming t-to save me… well I'm h-here now… where are you? Where are you…?"

As all effort drained from his being completely, Niall drifted into slumber, rocking back and forth with the box still held against his heart, "I love you Marina, I love you…"


End file.
